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Where Has My Soul Mate Been Hiding?

Where Is My Soul Mate?

Is it something in our DNA that pushes us to search for a partner in life, a soul mate? Certainly, it is a simple physical drive, rooted in the need to procreate the species. But I believe that a good part of this need for a loving partner is a result of our conditioning… an expectation implanted in us in early childhood. By the time we’re in our late teens, we’re keeping one eye out for a soul mate…. and if s/he hasn’t appeared by the time we’re 30, many of us begin to panic… is there someone out there for me? Will I ever find the right one for me? Maybe not… so what then?

From my early teens, I had funny feeling that I was going to be one of those who wouldn’t find a life partner… interesting though, while that inbred force to find a partner drove me to make some mistakes here and there, to settle for relationships that weren’t quite right, by the time I was in my early 30’s, I didn’t care so much about finding “the one”. By then, I had a son who needed a lot of my attention, a very demanding career that presented a lot of fun and interesting challenges along with opportunities to travel and meet new people, and I had developed many warm relationships with friends and colleagues… my life was full. I didn’t feel like I really needed a partner anymore, in fact a partner might just get in the way.

At one point my next brother became a little concerned, “Danielle, over the years you’ve brought home some very interesting men. I’ve liked every one of them. But none of them were into settling down?” My response was simple – “doesn’t that tell you something?” The Law of Attraction at work here… I didn’t want to settle with anyone, so I attracted lovers who also wished to preserve their independence in life.

Over the years, I have had the great good fortune of connecting with, loving and learning with many different soul mates – lovers, friends, family members… Now past 60, I am one of those rare folks who says I am “happily single”. If I have a twin flame, a soul mate life partner, he is probably not present on the planet right now, or he’s busy pursuing his own independent path… and that’s OK by me. There has been real purpose in my remaining single for this lifetime, I don’t feel like I’ve missed anything. Especially not soul mate connections.

With the shift in consciousness that the end of the Mayan calendar indicates, I believe we are moving to an androgynous cycle which demands a relationship with self… each of my soul mates have in one way or another enabled this relationship with self. When I saw this next paragraph in one of Phil’s responses to a recent inquiry, it struck a chord, and I was prompted to ask for more… the times are changing and I think it is important that we explore these ideas.

By Phil Rechard, Astrologer

“the seeming necessity to be in a relationship is an intellectually lazy way to go about living, and is an essentially outmoded paradigm. Don’t get me wrong, we can learn a lot about life through being in an intimate relationship with an other person, but nothing beats the relationship we can have with ourselves – nothing. It’s a difficult work, but it’s really the only thing we’re ever born with and can completely rely upon – our selves. Getting to know our selves first is free of charge, and is really essential if we can begin to pretend to love an other human being.” Peace, Phil the astrologer

Where has my soul mate been hiding? I’m sure that most of us have asked this question at some point in our lives, and we’ve all probably spent some considerable time desperately hoping for the day when that “perfect someone” would magically appear at our doorstep. Instead of finding Mr or Mrs Right, we’d find ourselves stuck with Mr or Mrs Right-Now, or pining for the one that got away. This has left us baffled, bewildered and confused, and in the end, disappointed and miserable.

I’ve been no exception to this condition, but after decades of searches and researching, I have become increasingly convinced that everyone I have ever met and known has been (or still is) a soul-mate of mine on some level. The concept of having only one “true” soul-mate should be given a long overdue funeral, burial, and eulogy.

For instance, I know that my parents and siblings were major shapers of who and what I am today, or more accurately, who and what I am not. Further, my favorite books and (vinyl!) LP’s have molded my psyche in different but complementary ways, as have the woods in my childhood and current back yards, the mailman who told me I was too fat, my grandmother’s cottage on Cape Cod, the 1967 and 2004 (!) Boston Red Sox, that flight in a stunt plane, my college Anthropology professor, the first girl I kissed – all of these playing out against the backdrop of the Sixties and Seventies, and well into this new millennium.

All of those people, places, things and ideas have contributed to my Soul’s purpose for being here, and where I am today. Therefore, they have all become (by definition) soul-mates of mine on some weird and wonderful level or another. Go back through your own memory cells and acknowledge everyone, every thing, every concept, and every era that has shaped you into who you have become, and where you are in your lives – these are your true soul-mates.

We’ve often heard married people refer to their spouses as their “other half,” and our star-struck friend who sighs “He/she completes me.” This is all very nice because they have found a soul-mate for this particular leg of their journey. However, this could also be an indication that they had been incomplete on their own, before they got together, in which case it can then become a potentially problematic exercise in trying to limit or stifle the free will of their partner in order for the relationship to continue, and that’s when the fertilizer can hit the ventilator.

And then we too often hear of divorced people saying that their marriage felt like a prison. Well, our jails are full of people who have willed their lives away, and couldn’t or wouldn’t own their birthright of unconditional love for themselves. In the case of criminal behavior, violence completes the partial mind, and illegal drugs complete the partial Soul. Being a complete person, or at least doing the best we can at it, is first and foremost an essential requirement – way before we start to play the dating/mating game – which if performed incorrectly can feel like a border-line illegal activity.

Hoping that an other person will complete us is like asking a total stranger in Peoria for directions on how to get to Peoria, and then asking them to take us there. We don’t realize that we’re already there, and that Peoria has been within us all along (as within, so without).

So, why do we act like we don’t have our own vehicle and road maps? We can blame the entertainment and advertising industries for polluting our imaginations, telling us lies about ourselves that we’re somehow deficient and unattractive if we don’t buy their crap. Romance novels, romantic comedies, and songs of lost love don’t help either, but isn’t it us who throws away our free wills by turning on the TV, or driving all the way to the movie theater while listening to the oldies station playing “Baby Come Back”?

Or how about the “family values” types who imply that we’ve somehow become amoral lepers if we’ve made the conscious decision to be unmarried and/or childless? A quick look at that demon of statistics shows that only about 25% of American households are comprised of a nuclear family (Mom, Dad, kids), so us single “oddballs” living alone or together are in fact the majority. I say it’s time we acted like it and be happy about it, and not allow the tyranny of the minority to put us down.

The seeming necessity to be in a relationship is basically an emotionally, intellectually, psychologically, and spiritually lazy way to go about living, and is essentially an outmoded paradigm. Don’t get me wrong, we can certainly learn a lot about life through being in an intimate relationship with a significant other person and/or having kids, and this isn’t the proper forum to discuss the other benefits of intimate relationships, but we’ll always be vulnerable to severe pains and disappointments if we haven’t done the difficult – yet necessary – work of loving ourselves first. (While I’m at it, aren’t there already too many people on this planet? Do we absolutely need more?)

In some indigenous cultures, the word for “marriage” is very similar to their word for “walking,” as in “we’re walking together.” This reminds us that life is a journey, and that quite often our paths will lead us far away from where we started. If we are loving ourselves without condition, and acknowledge that our friend or lover – a soul-mate – has a free will of their own, we might need to separate and allow them to continue on their own path. We’ll feel a pang of sadness at their departure, after all we’re only human, but our unconditional self-love will help us rebound quite quickly. And even though they might be separated from us physically, they’ll always remain in our hearts, and in spirit.

“Happy trails to you, until we meet again.”

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